Too Many Questions - Not Enough Answers
Have you ever had one of those days where you question everything??? Not a fleeting thought of how, why, when, but rather really question, and mainly yourself and everything you do and say.Where things happen and you really start to wonder whether you have been living in some parallel reality and then suddenly you are back in reality with everyone else. Where you have been so caught up in going through the motions of every day that you forget to look at the big picture????Today is one of those days and the questions aren’t good. And nor are the answers. One of those days where the big picture is frightening. One of those days where I am wondering whether being prepared to move the earth for those that I love is really a good thing. Because the ones that I love more than anything keep slapping me in the face. Well, not literally, but that’s how it feels today. How many times do I offer to move the earth before I learn that maybe they don’t want me to, or that they need to do it for themselves. And if they can’t move it themselves then there is more that they need to do before they are ready to try.Do I keep fighting the fight or do I sit back and let it all happen around me and just make sure that I provide for their basic needs and nothing more, because to do more hurts so much. Its not the doing more that really hurts, but the fact that it all seems so pointless. How many brick walls do I bash my head against, how many dead ends do I have to reach, only to retrace my steps and try the other fork in the road. Only to find that is another dead end. I used to be filled with hope and they carried with them so much promise. So much potential. I guess its still there, but its fading. It needs to burn from within and its not and I don’t know how to change that. Or whether I can. Or should.What I do know is there is no easy answer. I just don’t know if I have the strength to keep looking for it. I used to think that I did, but now I am not so sure. The light at the end of the tunnel has gone out and I am trying to find my way in the dark. And its not easy. I don’t think that I can be everything that they need anymore. Something else for me to ponder for today I guess. Like I need more to think about.
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