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Up until 5 years ago I had never been a great fan of cats – I was definitely a dog person. All that changed when we knocked our house down and rebuilt in 2004. We had to rent while the demolition and building took place. People 2 houses up from us had a cat that used to hang around our house a lot. Eventually he pretty much “adopted” us and I’m sure he spent more time at our place than he did at his own home. I used to come home and he would be waiting for me at the front door. And waiting at the back door every morning for us to get up. When the time came to move back into our own house, I realised how attached I had become to this cat and it was really hard to leave him behind. A few months later I was walking past the local pet shop and found myself drawn to one of the kittens in the shop. I still really missed the cat from the rental house so decided that it was time to get our own cat and to buy the one at the pet shop. Meet Ruski

He certainly wasn’t a lap cat, he was fiercely independent but loved being close to us. Quite often he would curl up on the lounge next to us when we were watching TV, or if I was home during the day he would just sleep somewhere in the house, appearing occasionally for some food. He had a load of personality and was great fun to have around. He was a mixed breed, but more than likely mostly Russian Blue with one parent probably a tabby as he had as I called them “tiger stripes” where some of the fur was darker than the rest.

Every now and then he would go out after he had dinner and not come home. A couple of times he was locked in a store room under the neighbour’s house and we could hear him meowing from our back yard. We just had to wait for the neighbours to appear to unlock the room so he could get out. Other times he would be at the door in the morning waiting for us so he could have breakfast. Wednesday night he didn’t come home – nothing too unusual about that and I wasn’t about to stay up all night waiting for him to come home. Thursday morning he wasn’t at the door waiting to come in when I got up. That was highly unusual. I went out the back to listen for him meowing from the neighbour’s store room. No sound

I went through the house to make sure he hadn’t been locked in a room by mistake. No sign of him.

I was worried by this stage but really had no idea where he could be. I had to be at the dentist at 9am so the kids and I rushed out of the house at about 8.45 and still no sign of the cat. While we were at the dentist I left my phone with Tiger in the waiting room as I was expecting a call about a delivery that we were getting yesterday.

Unfortunately our neighbour rang while I was with the dentist. She thought that it was me on the phone and not Tiger. She told him that she had found Ruski and that he was in their front yard and that he was dead. Poor Tiger was in the waiting room by himself and he told me later that he was very upset but he didn’t think that he could come in and see me. We left the dentist in a rush as we had to be home for the delivery. Tiger told me he had to tell me something and I put him off while I paid the bill. We then ran over to the shops to get essentials like bread and milk and while I was paying for the things we had bought, Tiger told me about the phone call from the neighbour. The three of us in a huddle and crying in the middle of a small, local shopping centre.

Ruski looked very peaceful lying on the grass in the neighbour’s front yard and he didn’t look at all like he had suffered so I am grateful for that. We had no idea what happened to him, but after talking to the vet today she said that its more than likely that he had been hit by a car and probably had internal damage. She also said that from the way that he was lying that he would have died quickly and fairly peacefully too. There is some comfort in knowing what probably happened, especially because he was so young and hadn’t been sick.

We have laid him to rest in our back garden and we will get a plant to put there to remember him. The kids are finding it hard, as I am too, and DH. But we will be OK, once we get past the shock of it happening and the initial grief.

If I had just one wish it would be that I could spend just one more minute with him, a chance for me to say goodbye to him properly. The hardest part is that it was so unexpected and it’s this that I am struggling with at the moment.

So, rest peacefully Ruski and know you will be missed. A lot. Thanks for the smiles, the laughs and just being you over the last 4 years. We all love you.

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On New Years Eve they showed the typical shows rounding up the highlights, and I guess the lowlights, of the year that was. The kids and hubby couldn’t understand why I was upset after they showed photos of Jane McGrath and Kerryn McCann, both of whom lost their battle with breast cancer during 2008. They both leave behind husbands and young kids, and the thought of their kids growing up without their Mums just strikes at my heart.

Then I spoke to a friend on the phone and she mentioned 2 of her co-workers were battling breast cancer.

Apparently I went to bed with this all still going through my mind. I had the most realistic dream I have had for years, if not ever.

In the dream I went for a biopsy to check masses that had shown up during previous testing. The pain in my right breast from the biopsy during the dream was so real I can still almost feel it. I remember knowing I was dreaming but still being curled up in bed in the foetal position and in pain.

I then had to go to the Doctor to get the results of the biopsy and work out what the plan was, if any. She told me to go straight down to physio and organise a pair of crutches because I was going to be so sick from it all that I would need them (I fail to see the logic there, but I was dreaming so who am I to argue……)

What has me freaked out is how real it seemed, despite the fact that at the time I knew I was dreaming, and the pain that I felt from the “biopsy”.

Needless to say, I will be off to the Doctors early next week for referrals or whatever I need to get this checked out, if nothing else to put my mind at rest.

I hope that it all turns out to be a dream and nothing more. With no family history of breast cancer and my age being on the low side of the risk factors, everything should be ok, I just need to know for sure. I will let you all know once I have been to get everything checked out.

Bloody good way to freak yourself out for the beginning of a New Year huh????

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As I write this for those of us in Sydney its already 2009, so Happy New to all of you.

All I can say is thank goodness 2008 is over. Its been one hell of a year – the highs have been really high and the lows really low and the in-between just felt like coasting between the two.

It all started on such a high (literally) when Hubby, the kids and I climbed Mt Kosciuszko on New Years Day 2008. All 2208 metres of it, and a 12km round trip of walking. Mostly it was hot too, so much for the altitude reducing the temperature!!!!

Then some of it stayed on a high and the rest just, well, collapsed. I did read in the paper a couple of weeks ago that its been a bad year all round because of the alignment of the planets and that next year is set to be better.

So to briefly tell you about the lows, the biggest one has been the journey with Daisy. Most, if not all of you, know that something has been going on, but maybe not what. I have been trying to find out if she is on the Autism spectrum, more specifically if she fits the description of someone with Asperger’s Syndrome. After 3 psychologist visits, 3 paediatrician appointments and 1 appointment with the Developmental Psychologist and 2 observations of her at school, I am really none the wiser. We have also had speech therapy every Saturday too. The whole process has felt like a rollercoaster ride and I still feel not much wiser in some ways, and in other ways a lot wiser. The latest from the Paediatrician is that he agrees with Aspergers but hasn’t diagnosed it formally, rather she is just “quirky”, but that she definitely has ADHD-Innattentive (ADHD-I) and ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder).  Apparently medication doesn’t work so well for ADHD-I so we need to try some other strategies to manage the every day things that we need to do at home. Also, because of the ODD, apparently normal discipline techniques don’t work (Yeah tell me about it when I have to get her out the door every morning) so we need to try some alternatives. I have spoken to her school about it and they will implement some more specific things for her next year, including access to the learning support teacher and the school counsellor.

This has been I guess not so much of a low but really an up and down emotional roller coaster ride. We at least have some direction for next year and the Paed wants to see us to review how things are going around March.

Then there was the marriage-stopping moment that we hit in August. Only through lots of talking, and a trip away, did we get through that one.

So, in an effort to not dwell on the negative, here are my positives for 2008:

1: The four of us climbed Mt Kosciuszko on New Years Day (no mean feat considering none of us were extremely fit)

2: Tiger recieved a Distinction and a Credit for his 1st and 2nd Grade Trumpet exams respectively, in only his 2 year of playing trumpet.

3: I started my blog, something that I had wanted to do for a long time. I can’t believe it has been almost a year already. I got to meet some wonderful people online through my blog, and even met some in the flesh. Amazing!!!!!!!

4: I was accepted into Uni and survived 2 semesters and 5 subjects with a very good result for all my subjects, and I am loving it

5: The rest of the family survived me studying

6: Daisy received an award at her end of year presentation day for “Most Outstanding Improvement”. This is big enough let alone everything that we have been through this year. Needless to say, I shed some tears when I found out she was getting an award, I think it was pure relief.

7: We had the best Christmas Day I can remember for a long time – we had my family and Hubby’s family here on Christmas Day. There was much food and alcohol consumed and everyone had a great time. That’s how it should be isn’t it?………

8: Hubby realised a long held dream and we got this as our family Christmas present:

Ours is a little different to the picture but it gives you an idea of what it is. For those that want the details, it is 18ft long, with a 2ft swim platform at the stern (back) and it has a V6 Mercruiser inboard (sterndrive) which just purrrrrrrrsssssss. And it goes FAST!!!!!  Hubby and I have worked on a happy medium of division of jobs and his job is to do the car and trailer bits and mine is to get the boat on and off the trailer and dock it so I can pick him up. With the exception of docking, the on and off the trailer bit really appeals to the revhead in me, cause I have to almost floor it to get it on and off *insert Tim the Toolman grunts*. All jokes aside, we are having great fun with it so far and it means that we have spent time as a family with little or no distraction. So far, we have put the boat in in the upper reaches of the Harbour and travelled down to the Harbour Bridge and also the Hawkesbury River, where the kids had their first go at water-skiing.

So I wish you all the best for 2009. I hope that you manage to see some dreams realised and that you and yours are healthy and happy. I know that for a lot of people 2008 has not been kind, including me, so I hope that 2009 is kinder to everyone, despite the forecasts for economic doom and gloom.

At the beginning of a New Year when we all face so much uncertainty, I hope that everyone finds some certainty in their lives.

Here’s to a virtual toast – Happy 2009 to all of you

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